


For now, at least

by darthblacknar



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, Isogai's POV, Lots of Angst, M/M, Maybe OoC? Or not, Maybe one-sided??, Post-Relationship, regular high school au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 13:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8330290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darthblacknar/pseuds/darthblacknar
Summary: Hiro- I mean, Maehara-kun and I were best friends since childhood. We were always together and we were inseparable. Yes, were being the conditional here. Were best friends, were always together, were inseparable.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yey, my first fic! Maybe one-sided IsoHara??? Maybe based on what happened to a /friend/ irl?
> 
> Anw, hope you guys enjoy! ^_^

Hiro- I mean, Maehara-kun and I were best friends since childhood. We were always together and we were inseparable. Yes, _were_ being the conditional here. _Were_ best friends, _were_ always together, _were_ inseparable.

 

* * *

 

It started around our second year. With all the reports and papers that year, we always had to go to the library together. Of course, it goes without saying that we were partners in all of those. Then came a moment where we were suddenly really close, and I mean _physically_ close. We both were not sure how. It just happened. And neither of us cared. It just seemed so natural.

Eventually, those physical contacts had their emotional manifestations. And just like everyone around us were expecting, we got into a relationship. We didn’t really know how to proceed, it was the first time both of us were in a relationship with another guy, for goodness sake, so we kept it from everyone else.

It wasn’t too long until people started questioning. We both would deny it, of course, but it still affected us. There were people viewing it in a negative light. It put both of us on edge. Then came trouble with work. I got accepted in a job that you wanted. And so began our downfall.

We got into a lot more fights since then. Most of it were petty, but ended up being big. And it would always end abruptly, after which we both wouldn’t say a thing about what happened. It became so often that I would be surprised if there were no arguments by the end of the day.

It continued until one night, we both talked and you said that maybe, it was time to end it. By then, I didn’t want it to. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. So I clung on to you with every strength of my being and begged you to stay. That maybe there is still chance. That maybe we could still fix it. That maybe, just maybe, we could work it out.

 

* * *

> _Hey,_
> 
> _Sorry for everything I did. I know we couldn’t go back to the way we were before, especially after that incident. And if we could, things wouldn’t be the same. I hope you could forgive me for everything. Sorry if I tend to drag you down. Do know that I really do love you, even if I’m like this and don’t show it, I really do love you. Sorry for messing up everything, and making you clean up all the mess I’ve made. Sorry if I have to make you put up with me every time I do this. I don’t know how you do it, but thank you. If you still want to hold on to me, thank you for not getting fed up. Please always remember that even though I treat you like this – bullying you, getting mad, etc. – I still really do love you, **Isogai Yuuma**._

* * *

 

We both calm down, enough to lessen our arguments, and even then, things didn’t end up as bad as they used to. I was happy. We were happy. I thought that maybe, we could actually do it.

 

* * *

  

> _I’m sorry. I really can’t do this anymore._
> 
> _I’ve fallen out of love._

 

* * *

 

It stung. Hard.

But it didn’t hit me until after a while.

The moment you said it, I was just laying down. Not thinking about anything else. How could I?

It was over. Everything was over.

At least for you.

 

> _I hope we could still be best friends._

 

A very obvious trap for me. But I still do it.

Why?

 

_Because I can’t leave you. No matter what I do, I just can’t._

 

* * *

 

Months pass and I think I’m starting to finally move forward. I could be with you like the way we were before, as nothing more than best friends. I could stay for hours on end talking to you without feeling my heart tug because of how I miss you. _Or so I thought._

Every night, I still think about it. Unconsciously or not. It always ends up in my thoughts.

 

_Why? Why did you leave?_

_Why did you stop loving me?_

Every night, I’d try to think up of my own answers. Answers I have no idea how close to the truth are. Because you never really told me the reason why.

 

* * *

 

_Why did you stop loving me?_

Or more so, _Did you really ever love me in the first place?_

But then I think, Maehara-kun isn’t like that, _is he?_ I’ve known him for the most part of our lives, I’m pretty sure he’s not the type of person to do that. _Or is he?_

Doubts and fears start to cloud my thoughts. I start to succumb.

 

Maybe, there was nothing in the first place.

Maybe, it was just pure infatuation.

Maybe, he just wanted to try something new.

Maybe, it was all just pretend.

Maybe, he never really loved me in the first place.

 

Come to think of it, it kind of makes sense.

 

* * *

 

Whenever you tell me stories about the new guy you’re pursuing, you always seem so animated about it.

 

You got so happy when you see him throughout your day.

You got so sad when he doesn’t notice you.

You got so excited when you had a long conversation.

You got so devastated when he stopped talking to you.

You got so happy when you finally started to talk again.

 

Looking back, were you ever like that with me? _No._

On the contrary, every time something happened between the two of us, you always kept the same face. Unless when we were arguing. You were always so annoyed at me. And most of everything I do. Especially when I want us to be more than what we are, like do more things together and all that. You hated it. Or at least, that’s what you always show me.

 

I really am not sure of what to think about it anymore. Thinking about how maybe it was not there in the first place at least puts me into some kind of ease. _Even though it has become extremely painful._

 

In the end, I could only really know when you finally decide to tell me. But for now, I’ll be satisfied with this.

 

* * *

 

_I am Isogai Yuuma._

_My best friend and ex-boyfriend, Maehara Hiroto, never really loved me. Why would he? Take a look at me, I’m worthless. I’m just a big pain to take care of._

_This would be okay for now. At least._


End file.
